In the last two years, my life (and attitude towards most everything in it) has shifted dramatically. First, while living in NYC, I realized how important family is and concluded that being close to them is more valuable to me than living in the best city in the world (this revelation even shocked me as I had spent a great portion of my existence trying to get there). This ideal was strengthened by the birth of my son. So, I was in a bit of a conundrum. How in the world am I going to make a living as a musician in such a culturally void city? The answer? MAKE it happen.
It was this reasoning that changed how I approached every aspect of getting gigs. I have made a lot of progress as a bassist and working musician during this period so I thought I would share some of the things that have made an impact in my income and schedule. I have broken it up into three main topics, each of which have several parts. Topic number one has a few (exact number yet to be determined) parts. Part one is how you view yourself and part two will deal with the mental side of getting over some common obstacles.
Self Image
My entire life, I have second guessed everything. Part OCD, part lack of confidence, and, I’m sure, a few other mental issues. I could practice my ass off for even the smallest, easiest gig and be absolutely terrified by the day of the performance/audition. There have been many opportunities missed because I made up excuses at the last minute as to why I couldn’t play somewhere. I had convinced myself that there was no way I could play whatever it was. If it was a jam session, I would tell myself that I couldn’t hang with the other players. When I did manage to make it to a freelance situation, I would play too quiet so I didn’t make a scene if I got tripped up. I would actually dread the performance…It really cost me greatly in missed connections and bookings. I knew that I had to either stop playing or change the way I handled myself.
I looked back and tried to figure out any events that caused me to see myself as such an awful musician. The only real complaints I’d ever had was about my lack of volume and not what I was actually playing. From this, I concluded that I must be decent. I mean, I do have several people that hire me on a regular basis. So, from then on, I knew I had to (at least) act confident in a playing situation- not cocky; confident.
There are a couple ways I handled this.
1) (No brainer) I make sure I am always prepared. Though my time is tight, I work on whatever as much as I can. This has always been the rule but I had to learn to actually count on it as grounds for confidence. If I have transcribed something or have a chart, I always take it to any rehearsals. That way, if something is changed or rearranged, I don’t have to depend on memory. I just trust that I wrote it down and worry about memorizing the change on my own time.
If I can take charts to the performance, I do. I put them on the stand but only look at them if I absolutely have to. If I can’t take charts, I make sure I make mental notes of the chord structure (Chorus=ii V IV I or whatever) and not just the bass line. I practice them starting at different parts or playing them backwards.
2) I take solace in knowing that I am there for a reason. It was either my audition, my resume, a recording of me, or word of mouth got me that gig so I plan on living up to whatever it was. They want me there so I need to play like I want to be there!
I am still very much aware of the fact that I have a long way to go as a bassist and a musician. The trick is to be at peace with that knowledge but know that I am still good and worthy of my current gig. I attribute most of the past two years’ success on the balance of knowing I suck with knowing I don’t suck.
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I deeply appreciate your honest meanderings here Mr. Hodges. They are the song of the artist, we all sing it…
Know that there is NOONE better or worse than you, we are all divinely equal, regardless that everyone human is unique, all having their own experiences, and like you, they are exactly where they need to be! That aside, I hope to be a gentle reminder that your music is where you are, where you eat, play, father, husband, friend and where that love is there cannot be a ‘void’. All the sufferings to get to that place to express your art, are the very things that color your music. Yes it is often bitter sweet, but it makes for the beauty of the rare moments we find when finally we get to ‘express’ the art. I left NYC 14 years ago (after almost a decade) I moved here, on my way to New Orleans (to follow the music) ended up sitting still for 2 gorgeous girls myself. I know how you feel Chris, that restlessness, that desire to express your art. That will likely never leave you, but if you will allow a wee nudge from a stranger, I feel strongly that ‘it is often the path, and not the destination’. Most people miss a lot of real moments by forgetting that simple thing. If you could look at each of your performances (regardless the pay, the size of the audience etc) like ‘this is THE gig of my life’ and play your best from the finest that you are…if you could do that, then you will find that missing confidence, because you will finely realize that THAT is ‘the flow’ . Just being who you are, doing what you do..with love.
See you soon. Hey bring a music stand and charts if you want, all the other musicians do! Well not me *wink*
Warmest regards,
Kelly
Thank you for that, Kelly. My confidence issues got to the point where I had to take beta blockers before rehearsals! I realized it was ridiculous for me to put that much pressure on myself.
Your comment is actually a great segue to the next part of this series which will talk about mentally overcoming geography.
Thanks again for the great words. I really want all musicians to know how common their struggles are and to know that it is all in our heads. Once we get past that, life as a musician is so much more satisfying .
[...] that you we’ve beaten the confidence/worthiness monster (Mind over Music pt.1), we have to get over the issue of geography. No matter where you live (save anywhere like NYC, [...]
[...] have already written about self confidence and personal demons (see mind over music pt 1, 2 and 3) so I won’t go into that here but it’s the same type of deal. You know you’re ready; [...]